Ice Cream Issues
Perception vs Intention
by Austin Von Martin
Who doesn’t like ice cream? Even my lactose intolerant friends can’t help but get a scoop every once in a while. So when it comes time to bring someone a treat, ice cream is always the easy escape from the disorientating amount of choices at the supermarket. But even the ice cream section is far from choice-less. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, mint— did that say cheese flavor? Who would do that to themselves? What was I even here for again? Supermarket paralysis aside, what flavor should I get? I love mint ice cream so i’ll get that. A seemingly simple situation turns volatile when I go to give the treat to a friend. They don’t want it. They claim they never liked mint ice cream, a stinging statement to say the least. I retreat to the car with the gift, insults whirling in my head. How could they be so ungrateful? As it turns out, nobody’s in the wrong. I intended well and they perceived it wrong— I think? Did I ever even stop to ask what flavor they liked? This situation is more common than you think, with good intentions leading to bad outcomes, and pointing fingers never finding the culprit.
In communication we often forget how important perception is. A good action perceived wrong is no good action at all. It’s not that we don’t mean well, but meaning well needs to be in the context of the receiver if it’s to be effective. This constant conflict of intent and perception defines many “selfish” and “ungrateful” people. Such a simple concept gets convoluted in the complex social situations of today.
Too many kids struggle to feel the love from parents, not because it isn’t there, but because it’s not in their language of love. Grandpa gave gifts, and dad loved them. I appreciate the baseball glove, but all I wanted was quality time. My sister resonates my pleas, internally pleading for a simple “I love you”. A house filled with love, filled with people feeling love-less, and nobody yet the wiser. So what do we do?
It’s a simple equation. Learn to give and love in the context of the person receiving, not your desire. If I want to show my appreciation, giving a gift I would never use myself doesn’t take away from the action. I’m not doing it for me. More often should we ask ourselves, “What would they want” and do those things, regardless of how we would feel. This mindset is molded when we give in context of intent, the real intent, of showing love. The means often become less central than we care to admit. Not to be neglected is the other side. As a recipient of gifts it’s required that we stop and ask ourselves the intent. I never liked clothes for Christmas until I realized how much my Grandma put into picking them. How many stores she stopped at, just to find my size, and it meant all the more. I can’t help but smile at the snowman socks now.
The next time I find myself in the ice cream section, searching for something to treat my friends to, maybe I should stop and remember the time they told me how much they enjoyed the taste of vanilla bean. Maybe I should have paid a little more attention to the stories of their childhood ice cream visits with their family for one scoop of the treat. Maybe next time my friend receives a tub of mint ice cream, they’ll remember just how much I drove to deliver it. Maybe they should have remembered how much money I had to scrape together for a tub of it. And maybe we can eat ice cream, laughing over the mistake, instead of lighting matches to burn the bridge. The ice cream didn’t matter that much anyways.
All of this over frozen spilled milk. Maybe I should’ve just got cookies instead.